Marriage advice from

Bottom line: In order to protect the sanctity of marriage, Maria must stay with Arnold.

Maria, this one’s going out to you from Dr. Keith Ablow.

Sometimes its hard to be a woman/Giving all your love to just one man/You’ll have bad times/And he’ll have good times/Doing things that you don’t understand/But if you love him you’ll forgive him/Even though he’s hard to understand/And if you love him/Oh be proud of him/’Cause after all he’s just a man/Stand by your man/Give him two arms to cling to/And something warm to come to/When nights are cold and lonely/Stand by your man/And tell the world you love him/Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man/Stand by your man/And show the world you love him/Keep giving all the love you can/Stand by your man

In a recent opinion column (Editor’s Pick), frequent Fox News collaborator Dr. Keith Ablow made a call for Maria Shriver to give her marriage another chance. Last week the world found out that her husband, and our former California Governator, Arnold Schwarzenegger, fathered a child with a longtime member of the family’s household staff. There’s always been talk over Arnold’s sexual misconduct with women and co-stars, and let’s be honest, the recent revelations of Arnold’s affair is far from surprising. I wouldn’t doubt that this wasn’t his only extra-marital affair either.

But Dr. Keith Ablow wants Ms. Shriver to stand by Arnold in his obvious time of need. He’s weak, he’s vulnerable, and this could be a great bonding experience for the two of you!  After all, Arnie’s just a troubled guy who must’ve constantly questioned his own self worth and agonized over “whether or not he was truly lovable.” So come on, Maria. Give him a shoulder to cry on and let’s work this thing out! I mean, look at this guy. He clearly needs your support right now, more than ever. 

Dr. Ablow says: “Ms. Shriver understood that in marrying a man who needed to build up his muscles as no man before him had ever done, a man who needed to be a film star, a man who needed to marry into a famous American family and a man who still needed the affirmation of a state’s voters, that she was marrying a man with deep needs for admiration and affirmation.”

Plus, marriage is sacred. Remember those wedding vows you took? They don’t just go away because Arnold fathered an illegitimate child with one of your domestic workers! ‘Til death do you part you must care for that cheatin’, groppin’, sperminatin’ husband of yours.

But what if Arnold didn’t cheat on his wife because he questioned his worth and sought out affection from another woman? Maybe, like another troubled conservative politician, Arnold’s overwhelming American patriotism led him to do it! Yes, that makes much more sense. He’s a Republican after all, and Republicans are constantly telling us how much they really really love this country (more than Democrats Obama). What else are Republicans always stressing the importance of?

Oh yeah, family values.  

They care so much about the importance of family values that they want to prevent gay people from getting hitched and making a mockery of the sacredness of marriage!  So you can’t leave him, Maria! Besides, you made a commitment in front of God and a bunch of witnesses. So if you ask for a divorce you are destroying your holy union with Arnold.

But either way, I agree with Dr. Ablow that this is a time for Maria to be there for Arnold, to comfort and care for him. Like Dr. Ablow suggests, Maria, let him share the most intimate details of his infidelity with you in an effort to repair your marriage. And perhaps you can work on making yourself more valuable/available to your husband. Could that be another factor in his philandering ways? Let me ask you this: How many times a week do you put out? Is there anything you can do to make it less likely that Arnold will cheat in the future?

Don’t give up! Take him back! It’s your duty as his wife-woman. Once again, Dr. Ablow has enlightened us all.

For more very-practical-and-not-absurd-at-all musings by Dr. Keith Ablow, check out what he has to say about J. Crew’s transgender propaganda! And here’s my response to the topic, if you’re so inclined.


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  1. Pingback: Who’s Really Destroying the Sanctity of Marriage? | Projects and Musings by Rachel Ariel Scott

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